Friday, May 20, 2011

Like it or not, we are all alone

Here's a novel idea...  start writing with a P.S.  "Prescript" 
P.S. I still have the dream of living on the North Shore in Hawaii renting out surfboards.  Anyone else down with this sorta thing?

To put perspective into something, not that I can, but I've been living in a hotel for a week now and would so love if the people paid to do so would vacuum the floor in my room... they are pretty damned good at throwing tip envelops all around my room though.  Perhaps I outta fill one with Chex Mix crumbs....Thinking the Holiday Inn Express is a term the housekeeping staff takes to heart.  They seem to expressly take a holiday in my room when cleaning... but I digress...
I am sitting here in Minnesota thinking I need to write something, thoughts of many things, but mostly about where I am (in life), and the here and now... Great Chemical Brothers Song BTW. So, I will jam to it, type whatever I feel, likely be nonsensical and surely repel potential readers.  All good, this is an outlet for me when I have few. 
It's May 2011, I have been divorced, essentially since February 2007 and have been for the most part  single (no GF)  for a year now.  Dated a few women since, but nothing has materialized largely due to "WTF woman!"  Quite honestly I think there has been a bit of realizing on their part at some point that 1. "Jeff can see through my bullshit" and 2. "I  need to go after more shallow guys that match my depth"  
Nonetheless, It's been a healthy thing for me.  Thank you to those good friends who have helped me realize a lot about myself, learn to admit it, and move on...
My current stage is definitely "something" and I have learned to let go of the helm to pretty much let things take me where they will.... to a point...
Have always had a pathetic tendency to be drawn to the need for a relationship, to make me feel complete, happy, a part of something or worth something... Yeah, pathetic.  These days I have realized this, and as far as needing another to "complete" me... bottom-line, not necessary, I'm good.  I don't know all the answers, but also don't care.  At this point in my life I am fulfilled in the person that I am, (or am I just saying that to make myself think I'm okay)  Who the hell knows... Having a great time, and if you are reading this I'd say you are on your own journey and am smiling that both of ours met in some way, whatever small, to contribute to both of our futures.  

I have met some wonderfully awesome people lately and I am very excited about life and the potential for... dare I say it....

That said, Orbital jamming now and although I beat myself up a lot, should chill on the Jeff bashing. That said....I need to improve so much.  I smile and definitely tip the bottle more than is "proper". I  laugh plenty, perhaps too often.  But, But, and I say again BUT, that's probably not a bad thing at times, and am feeling it's good to do so more often as I age.  People tend to get too much "stick up their ass" as they tag on the years.  Jeff?...not doing it, no sir, no way!!  I would rather be that immature fun seeking silly guy that is tipsy more than is kosher than lose my wanderlust and perpetual desire to laugh, make others laugh, or at least crack a smile.  I am totally not sure of what the future holds, but neither is anyone else.  
There are no guarantees in life other than gravity will attempt to pull you down, and a strong character will pull you up.  I say...Kiss my ass gravity!!! 
Right here, right now....  

One Love